So you’ve got a Russian girlfriend and you date via Internet. You exchange letters every day and can even say that you know each other well. You are planning to visit your charming beauty in her country and maybe offer her to become your fiancée. Here is one thing to take into consideration before the next step.
Sure you realize by now that your Russian lady is really different from women in your country. She has grown up in different culture, with different customs and traditions. You understand that she thinks in a different way. But it’s important not only to realize the differences in general but also to discuss them in particular. A lot of things that you’ve heard about Russian women are nothing more than stereotypes and they have very little to do with the reality. You should keep in mind that your girlfriend has a unique personality thou it’s surely influenced by the culture of her country. That’s why it’s so important to discuss some topics before you make a decision to make a family.
The most important things to discuss are family values, responsibilities, financial aspects, having children, parents and woman’s employment. If you don’t discuss these questions beforehand you risk to get conflicts and misunderstanding later on. So let’s briefly review these themes.
Family values, children and parents. Russian people usually have close relations with their parents. So don’t be surprised if your Russian wife will want to call her parents on the phone quite often and to support them financially. Also she will want to visit her country from time to time and to invite her parents to visit you in your country. It’s better to discuss these questions in advance to avoid misunderstanding in future. Make sure to talk about the children. If you both already have your own children talk over everything connected with them, e.g. the legal status of a child coming into your country, attitude of your children towards your marriage, role your wife is expected to play in lives of your children, etc. As regards the question of your common children discuss the language they will speak and the culture they will learn.
Education and employment of your Russian wife in your country. You should make sure that your expectations towards each other and your future family life coincide. Tell your woman if you are expecting her to be an equal partner in your couple sharing all the expenses or to be a housewife bringing up the children. Ask her what role is more attractive for her. Otherwise both of you will experience the conflict of interests. Remember that when a foreign woman moves to your country, she will have to confirm her education to the local standards. She will probably want to take curses or enter a university to be able to find a good job. In that case you will be the one who will support her emotionally and financially.
It’s very important to discuss financial questions. In Russia in most cases a family has the same bank account and common expenses. Your Russian wife will expect you to provide the family and support her and children financially. Also you should know that Russians are not used to take loans and to speak much about expenses, bills, savings and other financial questions. So your Russian bride may think that you talk about money way too much. But anyway you should talk these things over and find out your future partner’s attitude towards money, savings, expenses and related questions.
Well, sure it’s not the complete list of questions you have to discuss before making a decision of getting married with a Russian woman. But if you talk over at least these topics you will save yourself from the most part of possible misunderstanding and false expectations.
